It may sound like the beginning of a bad joke, but in actuality it was the end of a very dark time. A period in my life of extreme disappointment that led to — what was at the time — a shocking series of big life lessons that can only be surmised as this: I was not in charge. I could not will things to happen. There was some force outside of myself, outside of any religion, that had a different plan. No amount of positive thinking was going to change the outcome. My sunny disposition and glass is half full mantra had failed me. I had reached a dead end for the first time in my life.
It would take ten years for me to become a mother. It was the worst decade of my life. But now I see that it was also my first experience of how perfect and magical the universe truly is. I have been a mother now for ten years. It seems fitting to honor the story of how it all came to be on Mother’s Day.
Happiness has always been a choice for me. A conscientious decision. A way of life. Call me an eternal optimist or a glass-is-half-full thinker, but I have always found the positive or the bright side.
Except for those times when I couldn’t.
They were life altering times. It happens to all of us at some point: you are dealt a blow that you didn’t see coming. That’s when my sunny disposition failed me. Each time it happened, I suspected I was about to be brought to my knees and I was. As if the universe was saying to me, wipe that smile off your face. And, how do you like me now?